The Mystery of Motherhood

Every night after Birch falls asleep, I stare at his sweet soul and feel pure awe and wonder at how this incredible being was born of my body and is still nourished by my body. When I watch him sleep, I see pure innocence.

I think about what an honor, privilege and responsibility it is to steward this being in his journey. And I wonder what he will do in life, in the world. Who will he be? What will he do? It is a mystery over which I have no control of the outcome. Everyday is a practice of guiding, trusting and letting go. Letting go of attachment to outcome, and letting go of being “perfect”. A practice of creating boundaries and honoring them. A practice of loving (myself) unconditionally. The unconditional love I feel for Birch just is, no practice necessary.

I acknowledge that I do feel some attachment around the thought, “I hope Birch does incredible work in the world.” Just as I feel an attachment to do incredible work in the world, I feel attachment to the little boy I birthed from my loins, doing great things in the world. I feel no need to pressure him to know what that is or find it or do well in school or even go to school. Just a hope that he finds his purpose.

I wonder why some of us do not find our purpose? Is it nature or nurture or some combination. I like to think it is both. Naturally, since Birch has two highly passionate and compassionate parents, he will surely be too, right?! My soul purpose right now is to nurture him and the environment around him so he may truly explore himself and the world, and have the space to find the clarity of what his purpose is, and the structure to create it!

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